I'll tell you a little secret about me.
I like to get drunk and dance on the beach at night. Six year old girl dancing- in circles with arms overhead until I'm dizzy. Skip side to side dancing with elbows bent and fists tight. Hands passing from knee to opposite knee dancing is a favorite of mine but the cartwheel step has not worked well. With only the stars to illuminate my stage, I perform for Winslow all my best moves. He is not a good audience- preferring to chase the ghost crabs as they scurry into the Gulf from their sand burrows in the dunes to take a deep breath. (They hold their breath all day!) At night, the crabs are most active and most curious to the dog. We simply have a ball and the freedom of it all is very powerful.
One night I danced naked.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sea Turtles and Stars
I've lived without the stars for a long time, and sea turtles forever. When I look back to coming to this beach, my dearest memory will be the stars- I know that. I look forward to the night. I love all that I can see and try to pull them into me. I imagine a blanket of sky and wrap the world around and through me so that I can kiss each one. Nine thirty is awfully late though, and I hit the hay shortly after their rising....but.
I wake up nice and early excited for the day and enjoy sitting on the porch in the dark saying hello to all the stars that I missed the night before. This morning, coffee cup in hand, Winslow and I make our sleepy way to the porch when I see a group of folks out there in the sand with flashlights. How do you get 6 people on the beach at 0430? Sea Turtles! The babies were hatching from a nest just west of the cottage porch and the volunteers were there to help and protect them. The moon was bright on the Gulf of Mexico shining a path for them to take into the water. Lightening flashed from a thundercloud in the distance revealling the little paddlers on the shore. A hundred of them clumsily making their premier! This is a magical place and I am careful to breathe lest I interupt. I feel honored this morning to be on the planet and a part of this delicate dance.
I wake up nice and early excited for the day and enjoy sitting on the porch in the dark saying hello to all the stars that I missed the night before. This morning, coffee cup in hand, Winslow and I make our sleepy way to the porch when I see a group of folks out there in the sand with flashlights. How do you get 6 people on the beach at 0430? Sea Turtles! The babies were hatching from a nest just west of the cottage porch and the volunteers were there to help and protect them. The moon was bright on the Gulf of Mexico shining a path for them to take into the water. Lightening flashed from a thundercloud in the distance revealling the little paddlers on the shore. A hundred of them clumsily making their premier! This is a magical place and I am careful to breathe lest I interupt. I feel honored this morning to be on the planet and a part of this delicate dance.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Elemental Living
A couple of years ago I made a decision to live elementally. To choose one element (earth, fire, wind, water) and purposefully study, search, dive into and live for a period of time with that element in the forefront of my thoughts and decisions.
The first element to find me was wind. For this time I quit smoking. I played the trumpet instead and did a lot of deep breathing. I studied wind currents and memorized all the names of the types of clouds. You get the idea... Wind and air became important to me.
After 14 months, I knew it was time to change.
The next element for me to live alongside was water. My favorite! This started in February of this year. I love hot baths and a slow, long drink of water first thing each morning. I knew this year (or so) would be expanding. I joined the local Riverkeeper and became a closer being to the Bay. I started reading water quality reports to better understand what I was immersing my body in but I have to admit here that they put me to sleep and I never was able to grasp their meaning. I took a cruise. I set up rain barrels- requesting our community to allow them as well. And I wonder now, if I had know that this year of water would bring me to the Gulf of Mexico, would I have carried on?
I feel strongly that I was called here. Some person or some event is the stronger force behind my pulling up my life from distant shores and digging in here. I fully take responsibility for my actions, I am just adding this philosophy to the event. Perhaps it was the collective heart break of a community crying for their Gulf that I felt. The girl in me wanting to help. Please try to imagine here if our Chesapeake was threatened with an oil slick. Our nausea, our pain and the massive anxiety would be felt for distances unknown. So, I am here in response. To what, I will probably never know, but I truly, truly wish that when the event or person is met- I am nudged in a small way. I would love to be that in tune.
The first element to find me was wind. For this time I quit smoking. I played the trumpet instead and did a lot of deep breathing. I studied wind currents and memorized all the names of the types of clouds. You get the idea... Wind and air became important to me.
After 14 months, I knew it was time to change.
The next element for me to live alongside was water. My favorite! This started in February of this year. I love hot baths and a slow, long drink of water first thing each morning. I knew this year (or so) would be expanding. I joined the local Riverkeeper and became a closer being to the Bay. I started reading water quality reports to better understand what I was immersing my body in but I have to admit here that they put me to sleep and I never was able to grasp their meaning. I took a cruise. I set up rain barrels- requesting our community to allow them as well. And I wonder now, if I had know that this year of water would bring me to the Gulf of Mexico, would I have carried on?
I feel strongly that I was called here. Some person or some event is the stronger force behind my pulling up my life from distant shores and digging in here. I fully take responsibility for my actions, I am just adding this philosophy to the event. Perhaps it was the collective heart break of a community crying for their Gulf that I felt. The girl in me wanting to help. Please try to imagine here if our Chesapeake was threatened with an oil slick. Our nausea, our pain and the massive anxiety would be felt for distances unknown. So, I am here in response. To what, I will probably never know, but I truly, truly wish that when the event or person is met- I am nudged in a small way. I would love to be that in tune.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Crying Woman
There are two deep circles on either side of my lounge chair. They are the worries of my toes circling in the sand. My feet look like Kasi's and the motion is of my Mom's.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Forgotten Coast
Why Florida? I never wanted to live here before. I'm stunned that I'm here now. It's an easy link for me actually; I've been here before. Coming back again during a turmoil is as natural and complete as a clam closing shut.
I was younger then, and the fear of failure non existent. I had nothing to loose- but what should I loose now? Why is loss bad for you? Can it not be a good and normal occurence? I'm in mind of that clam again: hold tight. Perhaps it's the change that is scary-and having said that- it's less scary now. Soothing thoughts out by just writing them- is it that easy? I actually don't have much to write about then. My fear of change exposed and calmed- I'm ready for a little exploration and fun.
Today is a burst of dragonfly day. Too new here to determine if this a migration or simply a boom of local population, there are millions of them zigging by the cottage today. Their flight pattern is that burst of sureness followed by a quick little jot to the side and down; is this an evolutional success to prevent being eaten by a passing bird? This is an amazing place that brings something new each day. This is the kind of change I can acquire a taste for. Nummie.
I was younger then, and the fear of failure non existent. I had nothing to loose- but what should I loose now? Why is loss bad for you? Can it not be a good and normal occurence? I'm in mind of that clam again: hold tight. Perhaps it's the change that is scary-and having said that- it's less scary now. Soothing thoughts out by just writing them- is it that easy? I actually don't have much to write about then. My fear of change exposed and calmed- I'm ready for a little exploration and fun.
Today is a burst of dragonfly day. Too new here to determine if this a migration or simply a boom of local population, there are millions of them zigging by the cottage today. Their flight pattern is that burst of sureness followed by a quick little jot to the side and down; is this an evolutional success to prevent being eaten by a passing bird? This is an amazing place that brings something new each day. This is the kind of change I can acquire a taste for. Nummie.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Chapter Two.
The upheaval and changes are too new to understand all about them, but there is plenty of time ahead to explore my life and solidify it's values. I feel the weight of water on my back but am headed for the shore to stand a bit straighter and allow it to drip down my spine and absorb in to the earth.
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